


Oblivion

by tomfoolery14



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, reimagining of 2x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-13 21:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11194125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomfoolery14/pseuds/tomfoolery14
Summary: Alec stood up, keeping a careful distance and being sure to move slowly as he approached. “Magnus, I am so sorry. For everything you had to go through.”Magnus’ eyes never moved from the spot on the floor he was staring at. He shook his head slightly, eyebrows furrowed deeply. “That agony rune…” He paused, taking a moment to swallow. His face was drawn in so much pain that Alec had to look away for a moment. He immediately punished himself by digging his fingernails into his palm. It was selfish to worry about his pain. He had certainly inflicted more than enough on Magnus that he had to atone for. “Made me remember things that I spent…centuries trying to forget.”





	1. Chapter 1

Alec was kneeling on the floor, picking up little shards of glass from the rug. Every little prick he encountered, ever bit of blood that oozed from his fingers, he felt he deserved. He was almost afraid of the moment when Magnus would walk back inside, he was afraid of the way he would look at him. Because he knew he deserved it. 

He was too focused on what he thought he knew, what was familiar—bad guys that try to get in your head to save their own skin. And Valentine had earned the reputation of a master of manipulation. But that wasn’t an excuse. Magnus had reached out to Alec with trust, given him good reasons to believe, but the soldier inside of Alec couldn’t listen. Looking back, he should have come to the loft to question “Magnus” and see if he could tell the same story about the omamori and Tokyo. He should have researched the spell that Magnus kept trying to tell everyone about. 

Soft footsteps made Alec look up, and for just a moment, his chest constricted so tight that he couldn’t breathe. He had never seen Magnus look so disoriented, so timid. It broke his heart. The love he felt for Magnus made him want to go to him and try to physically fix things with his own two hands. But there was nothing tangible to fix, and he couldn’t bring himself to touch Magnus anyway having seen the look on Magnus’ face.

Magnus sat down on the edge of the couch delicately, staring at the rug and rubbing his thumb and forefinger together. It was his tell. It was a reaction to feeling too much—too much worry, too much pressure. 

Alec stood up, keeping a careful distance and being sure to move slowly as he approached. “Magnus, I am so sorry. For everything you had to go through.” 

Magnus’ eyes never moved from the spot on the floor he was staring at. He shook his head slightly, eyebrows furrowed deeply. “That agony rune…” He paused, taking a moment to swallow. His face was drawn in so much pain that Alec had to look away for a moment. He immediately punished himself by digging his fingernails into his palm. It was selfish to worry about his pain. He had certainly inflicted more than enough on Magnus that he had to atone for. “Made me remember things that I spent…centuries trying to forget.” A touch of rage and fury permeated the way his mouth was turned down, his lips pressed together.

Alec blinked away the pressure in his eyes he knew foreshadowed tears. He moved closer, so that he could sit with Magnus on the couch. He didn’t turn to look at Magnus, though, because he didn’t want him to feel trapped, caged. He wanted Magnus to find his way back to Alec the way he needed to. “Magnus, tell me how to fix this.” He was pleading and he was sincere, and by the angel, he hoped Magnus knew that he loved him more than he’d every loved anyone.

Magnus tilted his chin away from Alec slightly, continuing to look at the floor. He started to turn back though, and Alec panicked.

“Just tell me what to do, please.”

Magnus’ mouth was half open, as if he had been planning to say something, but at Alec’s words, his eyes squinted slightly and he shook his head with a look that said you can’t fix this. He flexed his jaw and dropped his eyes down.

Alec wanted to backpedal immediately, and before he could tell his body to stop, his hand had moved an inch towards Magnus’. 

Magnus flinched away from Alec like a startled animal, jumping to his feet to put distance back between them.

“I’m sorry,” Alec breathed immediately. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean—I wasn’t trying to—I’m sorry.”

Magnus’ fingers that were rubbing together picked up speed, now becoming frantic. Small bursts of magic were sparking from his fingers, and Alec leaned back slightly when he noticed that instead of the calm, familiar blue of Magnus’ natural magic, this was dark orange. And Alec had seen Magnus use it enough to know what it meant.

Magnus looked down at his fingers, noticing the magic bursting out of him. It changed to blue for a few seconds then flickered back to orange. A sharp pain in Alec’s chest knocked the wind out of him when he realized that Magnus was trying to cover himself again, by covering the nature of his magic that was acting as a small window into Magnus’ emotions. “I’m having a hard time…containing it. Making it respond to me. I’m sure it was return to normal soon but right now, it feels like it did when I was—when I was young.”

Alec stood up, his hands raised to assure Magnus he wasn’t going to touch him. Magnus relaxed his posture slightly, indicating that he was able to read what Alec was conveying. “Just tell me what you need Magnus. The first thing that comes to mind.”

Magnus pursed his lips, eyes flitting nervously. He felt as if he were being backed against a wall. 

“Magnus?”

With a soft growling noise, an orange wave exploded from Magnus’ hands and swirled around Magnus’ body. He was poised for defense, and the magic was clinging to him and moving with him like flexible armor. Protecting himself from Alec. “Alexander. I need you to stop.” His voice was measured. 

Alec took a noticeable step back, keeping his eyes on Magnus to ask him if this movement was acceptable.

The shield Magnus had created around himself fizzled and then dissipated. His stance relaxed slightly, no longer looking crouched to fight. “I love you, Alexander, without abandon. But this is…too much. I know you want to help me, and I appreciate that, and I wish I could help you get through what you’re facing on your end, but right now… I can barely do so for myself. When I look at you now…” He shook his head slightly, as if he almost didn’t want to say what he was about to say. “When I look at you now, I see nothing but the disgust on your face when I begged you to believe me.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry Magnus. I should have looked into the spell you mentioned, come to the loft to talk to you—Valentine—and take things into my own hands.”

“It’s over, Alexander, we’re through it. But I’m not ready to be close to you yet. You almost let them kill me. You restrained me and gagged me with nothing more than a look of revulsion on your face. I saw, for a split second, that you started to believe me, but you let Jace talk you out of it. You were willing to gamble with my life, and that makes it hard to be close to you right now.”

A heavy tear spilled down Alec’s cheek and he nodded. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. Believe me, I hate myself just as much as you do.”

“I don’t hate you, Alec. But this isn’t okay. I’m not okay.” Magnus wrapped his arms protectively around his middle, his eyes cast downwards. 

“Do you want me to leave? If that’s what you need, I’ll do it. Whatever you need.”

Magnus tilted his chin up slightly. “I think that would be best for right now.”

“Will you call me when you’re ready?”

Magnus gave him a very small smile, but it was the first time in two days that he’d seen Magnus look anything other than scared and angry. It made Alec feel like his skin was buzzing in pleasure. He returned Magnus’ small offering with a soft, loving one of his own to show Magnus just how much it meant. “I will.”

Alec ached to reach out to Magnus and brush his thumb along his cheekbone, to hold him in his hands the way he had earlier with who he thought was Magnus. He wanted to press a kiss to the soft skin of Magnus’ temple and smell his skin that smelled of lots of things Alec couldn’t identify but that, combined, smelled like home to him. “I love you, Magnus.” With that, he backed slowly away and headed for the door, grabbing his jacket from the coat rack by the door.

 

After three days apart from Magnus, Alec got a call. It was in the middle of a meeting and tensions were running high. Alec scrambled to silence his phone but when he got a look at the caller ID, he froze. 

Jace looked over at him, feeling the residual waves of panic and euphoria Alec was feeling. One look at Alec’s eyes and he knew. He needed this. “Go. I’ll handle this, brother.”

Alec gave him a relieved smile and bolted out the door. Before it closed, Alec heard someone start to protest, but they were immediately shut down by an insistent Jace who said something that sounded a lot like, “cool your jets, sparky.” Alec ran down the hallway until he reached the bay window by the library. He leaned against it, shoulders hunched, and quickly redialed Magnus’s number.

“Alexander.”

“Hi, I’m sorry, I was in a meeting.”

“Oh, is now a bad time?” Magnus sounded nervous and shy, bracing for rejection.

Alec was quick to reassure him. “No, not at all. I slipped out and Jace is holding down the fort. Do you need something? Is everything okay?”

Magnus chuckled softly. “I’m fine, darling.” 

Just that one word made Alec feel warmed from the inside out. He traced the lines of the stained glass window absently with his forefinger, feeling silly and sentimental. Today, though, that didn’t feel like a bad thing at all.

“I wanted you to know that I’m ready to talk. I’m ready for us to work this out together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can come prompt me or send me your thoughts at champagnemagnus.tumblr.com!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was requested that i make a chapter two regarding the conversation magnus and alec have, so here it is! while i was writing this, i kept thinking of the new ruelle song that she announced will be in 2b, and in my mind, this is where it fits. you can listen to it here while you read: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVJp307TNTY

Just as Alec was about to reach for the door to Magnus’ apartment, he felt a pressure all over his body, and immediately jumped back. The wards were up. Originally, Magnus had set them to peel back around Alec to let him through as soon as his magic sensed him.

“Um, Magnus?” Alec called from the hallway, scratching the back of his neck anxiously.

Immediately the door opened and Magnus appeared, leaning in the doorway. The wards must have dropped temporarily because Alec no longer left the pressure and buzz of magic under his skin. “Alexander, come in.” Magnus stepped aside.

Alec squeezed his way through, doing his best not to touch Magnus or be too close for too long. As soon as he was through the entry way, he realized he didn’t know where to go from there. He stood awkwardly, hands behind his back.

Magnus gave him a soft look and gestured to the couch. “Have a seat, darling.”

Alec was surprised when Magnus sat close to Alec’s side, their knees parallel. “How are you feeling? Is your magic back to normal?”

Magnus looked down at his palm and held it up towards Alec. Small blue ripples were pulsing gently, curving around his fingers. “All better.” With a smile and a gentle twist of his fingers, Magnus sent the small blue waves out towards Alec. They gently brushed against his cheekbone and Alec smiled at the warm sensation that spread through him. Then there was soft pressure, feeling much like when Magnus kissed him.

“I’m really, really glad.”

“How are _you_ feeling?” Magnus looked tired, his features no longer harsh and guarded, nor broken and afraid. Just tired.

“Don’t worry about that. This isn’t about me. We’re here to figure out what you need me to do.”

“Alexander, what I wanted to talk about today is figuring out what you and I are going to do about this. Together.” He lifted his hand and slowly moved it towards Alec’s. “Please don’t move. Just hold still. Please.”

Alec gave a small jerk of his chin in response.

Magnus looked down at their hands, watching his move slowly toward Alec’s. He slid one palm underneath the back of Alec’s hand, lifting it up. He held it straight up in front of him, inspecting it. “These hands… I was afraid of them after what happened,” Magnus murmured softly.

Alec’s eyes flickered towards Magnus’ face.

“I don’t want to be any more. I always liked your hands. They were one of the first things about you that I noticed I was very fond of. The night we met, and we summoned that memory demon, I had an excuse to feel your pulse with mine, your fingers wrapped around my hand. They’re so soft and warm.” Magnus slowly touched his forefinger to one of the lines that covered the expanse of Alec’s palm, tracing it slowly.

The sensation of the soft touch tickled and Alec let out a soft chuckle, biting at his lip to quiet himself.

Magnus looked up at him with one eyebrow arched delicately. “What?” There was small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“I’m sorry, it just, uh, tickled.”

Magnus kept his eyes on Alec to gauge his reaction as he leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the center of Alec’s palm. “These hands are so strong. They’ve bled and bruised and ached from how hard you work to fix things with them. They’re the hands of a soldier. But they’re still gentle.” He lifted Alec’s hand and set it against his cheek. His palm covered nearly the entire right half of Magnus’ head.

Alec allowed his hand to be guided. Allowed Magnus to take exactly what he needed. Their touches mingling were what Alec had been yearning for ever since that damn spell happened. This chance to be close again was everything to him.

Magnus put slight pressure on Alec’s wrist, making it travel lightly down his cheek to his neck, the curve of his collarbone, down to chest where his heartbeat was going strong. He kept his grip on Alec’s wrist for another moment, then let it go.

Alec, still responding to Magnus’ request to be still, kept his hand splayed over Magnus’ chest.

Magnus looked deep into his eyes, wanting the intimacy it offered instead of shying away from it. “Thank you, Alexander.”

Alec swallowed sharply and nodded insistently. “Of course.” He was a little bit disarmed by the softness of Magnus’ words, the love he was giving. Alec still didn’t quite feel he deserved it.

“The things that happened to me when I was being…tortured weren’t just physical. The agony rune combines physical and emotional pain. Things about my—” Magnus seemed to almost choke on the word he was trying to get out, “my mother that I’ve tried so hard to forget, to let go of, to make peace with…”

“Magnus, you don’t have to tell me about this unless you want to.”

“I think I need to, in order to get over this. If I don’t, I’m scared it’ll take me. All this bad will just eat away at me until there’s no more of me left.”

Alec’s expression grew stern and he shook his head once. “No it won’t. I won’t let it. I promise you, on my life, I will not let that happen to you.”

Magnus bit his lip, his forefinger and thumb twitching. “Promise?”

“Promise.” There was so much certainty in Alec’s voice that Magnus could do nothing but believe it heart and soul. “Magnus, may I touch you?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation.

Alec reached forward and put his hand over Magnus’, sliding their fingers together. “I’ll do whatever it takes to gain back your trust.”

Alec started to turn his head away but Magnus caught him by the chin and turned him back. “Alexander, I would very much like to kiss you.”

Alec sat perfectly still, ready to follow Magnus’ lead. He knew now, without a doubt, that he would follow Magnus to the ends of the earth.

Magnus pressed their lips together, and it felt like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! if you'd like to send me a prompt or just chat, i'm at champagnemagnus.tumblr.com!


End file.
